i started my website on my birthday 2/11/2023.

i wanted to create my homepage because i'm tired of getting to know people better. my rule is that i don't start conversations with anyone until they have read through my site. after that, they can draw conclusions about me and with that, think about whether they want to continue the relationship.

it's a win-win. if you hate me, then with high probability, i hate you too. we both can move on.

starting relationships is always fucking stressful. i can't stand the traditional way of getting to know people better in the sense that it's always gradual self-disclosure at the risk of the other person being on a completely different wavelength or, in the worst case, reacting to your world view even so badly that they want to persecute you. in the traditional way, persecuting is easier, because anything you've told that stranger, who later turns out to be completely insane, can be used against you. if they know your number, your address, your real name, everything, then you're screwed.

usually because of this, it has traditionally been explained that this is why you shouldn't overshare anything to a stranger. but to be honest, i can't bear to incubate a relationship for several years to know if that person is really worth my trust and time. i want an answer now and right away and off my agenda.

how do i get an answer? i don't tell anything about myself other than this site. that person can think for themself whether i am a person worth getting to know or absolutely horrible. take it or leave it. i am not going to change. i am this way and always will be. if they have an unpredictable reaction to my personality, views and interests, then all i have to do is block them and ignore them irl. that's all. i can move on.

in addition to preventing potential crazy people sabotaging my life just because we have different views and interests, i made this site to my save time from people who really don't deserve my time.

which saves time? that you always tell like ten different people the same thing and for high chance they aren't even interested in your lengthy bullshit, or that i make a long post about the same thing on my website and people who are interested could voluntarily read the post themselves? you want to know my taste in music? go to the "music i like" page. you want to read the studies i've read or other things i've looked at? go to the archive. i don't have to see any effort, but the person can parasocially get to know me and my bubble voluntarily. i don't need to shove my own stuff or views down their throat. i don't have to explain myself. even if they can't be fucking interested and don't read my site at all, at least i won't waste my precious time on someone who doesn't deserve my time.

i find people who don't have social media suspicious. or if there is social media, there is so little content or it is so superficial that you can't get anything out of it. on the other hand, i don't care because the only information i need is whether a person thinks i'm worth getting to know based on this website.

in short, i can't stand spending my time speculating if someone is interested in me or worthy of my time. it's waste of my time. life is far too short. i value my time. i want to get to know people who see the effort of reading through my site. i can hear it in your talk if you haven't gotten to know me parasocially. if i hear that, then i don't consider you a very high priority person. if you can't make effort for me, why i should make effort for you? if you don't give fuck about me, why i should give fuck about you? sounds like a fair trade.